Monday, April 02, 2007

Distractions, Depression and ............

There is nothing like a good project to distract you from your problems.

I realise that I have done this for most of my life. When my parents were fight and then going trough a divorce. My mother struggling to support her 4 children, son-in-law and grandchild.
What did I do?
I joined almost every group or society that existed in our school, church group and other church youth programs. If something did not exist, I started it. I was not just a member, I always held a position of some sort - PRO, Vice Chair or Chairperson. At the same time I maintained top grades and "dated" a lot of guys.

Some of the groups included: TADA (Teenagers Against Drug Abuse), The Environmental Society, SCA (School Christian Society), DYIC (Durban Youth Interaction Committee), The chess club, road running club, aerobics group, Girls Soccer Team, AIDS Awareness Team, Secretary of the SDA Youth Group, Junior Sabbath School Assistant, Junior Sabbath School teacher. I also had a History study group which was great fun and huge success (grade wise).

I was so busy I could not spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself or staying depressed. Those moments did hit me. I would just burst into tears sometimes. I could explain why. I would sometimes need to just withdraw from everyone and read inspiring books and listen to inspiring books. By inspiring I mean books and music which had messages that said don't give up, don't in etc.......
For some reason these methods stopped working after I got married. Well, for one I could not get my husband to stop asking questions and just leave me alone. I realised afterwards that I really scared him and that he had his own insecurities that were much deeper than I realised. But that realisation only came years later.
My bad reaction to contraceptives (my mother was allergic to almost all contraceptives on the market - the one she could take was taken off because it did not agree with most women), having a baby and in the process losing my body,health and parts of soul - somewhere in all of that I lost me too.
I am still struggling to get back into the cocoon so that a rebirth can take place.
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