Monday, July 30, 2007

The Path of decision making

I remember a few years back when I decided to leave a full-time secretarial job to go Au Pair. I sat down and made a list of pros and cons. The list of pros were only slightly longer.I felt within my spirit that Au Pairing was the right path for me. I would accomplish one of my life-time goals of travelling overseas, while not abandoning my studies - I was still young enough to cope with the risk of being unemployed. I had also just come out of a relationship so really nothing was holding me back.
The funny thing now is that I cannot come up with a list of alternatives. After speaking to my husband, a friend and spending today at a conference, I feel that I am in the career that i need to be. Yes, its a bit bumpy at the moment and........... none of my previous jobs or future ones were/will be smooth. I am not my job and my job is not me. It is however what I spend most of time on and I sure would like to be enjoying it.
I chose this profession because I believed it was the one place I could fully express myself and be of service - the one place where I could learn, grow and have fun. Combine my hobbies and talents. Build my spirit and express my spirituality. For various reasons this is not the case and it has not been for last the last two years. That can however change.
I need to first of all forgive myself, let go of expectations, be patient, slow down and dream. The message is that I have been holding myself to unrealistically high standards which have been depleting my self-esteem and self-confidence. My struggle to balance home, work, relationships - does not have to be a struggle. I need to let go of that idea and just be.
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