Sunday, May 20, 2007

Reflections

Last year I made the decision to see a counselor. I had been to a psychologist and psychiatrist. I was anti-depression medication. These two people and my doctor had helped me through a critical time in my life. But I had a feeling that needed something else, something different in order to connect with myself and realize my potential. I wanted to not just be

surviving and I wanted to live.

What manifested in my first session was very surprising to me. Deep down I had always felt as if I was rebelling against the messages I received from the people I loved and from my Church family. I always knew that it formed a significant part of who I was and how I handled situations. I had been feeling religiously drained and spiritually unfilled for sometime – I just did not realize how much that had an affect on my relationship with myself and the people around me.

Letting go of the unconscious guilt and fear that I felt, allowing myself to be free to search for a new path has brought me so much peace. Knowing that I can still give stability to my child and husband without sacrifices myself at the same time.


The images that came up in this session and subsequent sessions have really been significant to me. I have been able to hold on to the positive imagery I created to help me not lose hope. I am also no longer scared to allow myself to feel. I know that I will not just collapse into puddle of murky water. The feelings will actually help me find my way not block it. This was particular helpful this when together with my doctor, we decided that my body was no longer benefiting from the anti-depressant. Despite the fact that we could not find a significant difference in my hormonal levels, my body was acting up hormonally. During this difficult physically period I felt myself almost slipping back into a depression. The skills I learnt from the psychologist and my counselor helped me to stop, listen to my body and choose to healing and life.

I have been exploring my spirituality on my own and with my husband. In the process we are both growing and able to support each other.

I feel that I gained a lot of insight into myself. It has cleared of things in my mind, emotions and helped me to know that I am okay and that I will be okay.

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