Monday, October 27, 2008

Suffering and longsuffering

Last week I was in a bible study and these two words kept popping. I am now reading a booking that is also dealing how to get rid of what holds you back from achieving your destiny.

I grappling with the idea of how to experience joy, abundance and freedom.

And I am wondering if I have confused suffering in general with suffering for a specific belief or ideal. I can remember that fighting for something I believe actual brought me joy and freedom even if outwardly I was being reject and actual lost the battle. But I was being true to myself and my belief.

My father brought me up with the concept that if you cheat and lie etc with small stuff you will with bigger stuff - I think it is a biblical concept. I really took this to heart growing up to the extent that I would even play with my family on Christmas day cause my uncle felt it was okay to cheat cause its just a game. I got the nickname of Stationmaster. I never resented this I felt justified in my stand.

I have since realsied that we have different ideas about what is wrong and right. And there are just some things I no longer feel is important about "fighting" about.
I have learnt to be open and accepting of peoples differeces and to give people space to be themselves (at least I think I do).
What I am struggling with is that i do not always feel the same freedom- I am constantly be warned not too open with others, to protect myself and my family. That people will judge me and what I say or do will come back to hurt me and my family in some later on - if not immediately.
To some extent this is true cause we have seen it happen to other people - but with my whole being I also believe that it is untrue and that I cannot continue to live my life in fear of rejection and judgement.
My question is why is that other people do things that others don't agree with but they are not "kicked out" - or even if people disagree with them they are still part of the community and given the freedom to express themselves.
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