Friday, April 04, 2008

Haunted

I have been sleeping extremely badly since Monday. I have been trying to figure out what is causing insominia, on the surface nothing came to mind. I have improved my eating this week, I ahve been exercising, started taking good supplements, my menstrual cycle final ended last week, I am on holiday and I am not feeling particularly stressed about anything.

But I knew that somewhere in my subconscious something was not okay and i obviously did not want to face it. And now 3:40am it suddenly hit me. I feel so silly and upset with myself but I know its true but I also have no idea how I am going to verbalise it. I know I must if I am going to make peace and start sleeping again. I just feel so stupid for having the feelings I am having. I know once verbalized it will not be taken seriously. I babbling......

So why haunted? Cause my mother warned me about this and I laughed at her, told her she was silly and totally ignored her advice. In fact it was something she wanted me to and I refused and so she did it for me. Now someone else actions similar to mine is hurting me. Not intentionally. And in my logical mind I have no reason to feel hurt. Maybe hurt is not the right word

Okay so what is my problem you maybe asking. I am sure you realise by now I feel very embrassed to say what it is but I am also trying to figure out the best way to deal with. As it is still to early in the morning to call one of my friends and I think better when I am talking, I have resorted to blogging but I the people affected may not appreciate me implicating them in my problem. It really is my problem but I choose to act or react if you like will either have no impact or negative on them.

Now I wish blogger had the feature wordpress has to password protect a post - cause I could do with imput from some of blogger friends.

I do suspect that most women would be just as upset as I am. I know what my mother would say.

Oh hell I better get some rest so I can at least be thinking more clearly on issues.
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