Depressed

Over the last week and a half I have felt myself slowly slipping back into the dark pit of depression.
I have been battling depression for the last two years. Its scary to write my thoughts down or to say them aloud. It will make what is happening real and once that happens i will have to deal with it.
Through lots of tears this morning I started talking to my husband. I know he wont let me spiral into oblivion.
This also just confirms my suspicion that the anti-depressant I am on are not working. I really just want to go off them but I have not reached a place where I feel that i am using my other resources effectively. Going off the meds scares me - what if I get out of control and get suicidal again.

One thing is for sure the butterfly that existed is now dead and I am in the cocoon state again.