Saturday, June 02, 2007

Cocoon State

At the moment I feel more like a snail than an emerging butterfly. Hiding away in shell and hoping that when I look out my problems will be gone.

Of course I know that is not going to happen. My logical side of my brain tells me that I have a choice.
Damn, I tell my learners every week that even if someone else is holding a gun to your head you cannot stop the person from shooting you can choose how you are going to die.You can die physically fighting back, praying, begging/negotiating, silently etc......

My brain short circuited today and I slipped right back into my depressed way of thinking - its been building up - I did all the stuff that did not work in the past - lost myself in television programs, a state of not thinking, working in crisis mode, procrastinating, working really hard on things that have nothing to with the problems or their possible solutions. I verbally and mentally gave up. I broke a promise to myself and that I made to others.

I slowly trying to regain perspective. I know I need to forgive myself and focus on the positive.
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